First Post: I win.
Okay, I suppose I could go ahead and start actually posting things on here. This goes out to the charming fellow I met on the way to work last night.
I could tell by the time you were five feet away that something was up. You had that look on your face. I warrant it, I suppose. I mean, I'm not a big dude. 5'6" and less than 140lbs, you'd think I'd be a pretty easy mark.
Why then, when you jumped me, dragged me to the ground, and started beating the shit out of me, was it impossible for you to get even one item off of me, much less something of value?
I was ripe for the picking. I had a Sony Ericson phone with the headphones attached. Granted, I only had five bucks in my wallet, and you wouldn't have gotten much off of my cancelled credit cards, but my bag; Wow! You didn't know it, but there was a sweet ass Macbook laptop in there that you would have just loved. It's not even mine. It was issued to me by the company I work for. Not only would you have stolen a pricey piece of machinery; you would have screwed me over at my job too.
Sadly, despite your four buddies keeping me on the ground, kicking me in the ribs, you were unable to acquire any of these things. Four of you, all bigger than I am, kicking with what I would hope was a genuine effort (else why waste your time and mine), and you couldn't even get the bag that was loosely slung over my shoulder. Furthermore, all of those kicks? You'd think you would have managed to at least break a rib, or, failing that, create a bruise. Christ, boy, were you even trying?
I'll give you this. I really liked that shirt, and you did a good job of ripping it to shreds. I had to go home and change it, even, so you inconvenienced me by about ten minutes. Good on you, but I've got to ask: How much of a pussy do you have to be to gang up on a short, skrawny geek and fail to even get anything off of him?
Ten minutes later, I was back on my way to work, where I make good money doing what I love, and you remain a pussy. Make that ten years, I'll be making crazy money doing what I love, and you'll probably be dead.
I think I win.
Tags: crime Current Mood: